Tyler Update

Yes, I am in Utah this week, but again I had no intention of letting Tyler know this. One of my cousins that I am staying with is super nosey & somehow convinced me to tell him all about the Tyler situation. Being the guy he is, he decided to take my phone & text him!

Let me inform you on something that happened a week ago. Natasha & I had just gotten back from a party Friday night and we were up until about 3 a.m. just talking about everything & anything. Being late & not thinking much, I thought it would be a good idea to mess around with Tyler & send him the exact text he sent me after the first time we made out. So I did.

Never got a text back.

So can you imagine how I felt about my cousin texting him?

My cousin texting him as me: "Hey(:"
Tyler" "Hey whats up? :)"

He actually replied. Within like 10 minutes. But I was determined to not text him back. I was over him. I wanted nothing to do with him. And I actually did well for a bit. I didn't end up texting him back until 8 hours later, & only because it was late & I was bored.

Me: "Sorry it took me literally 8 hours to reply. I forgot how busy life can be when your with family. Whats up?"
Tyler: "Well I'm in *** for thanksgiving! What are you doing?" 
Me: "In *** with the fam for thanksgiving! Hope you have a fun day :)"
Tyler: "You too! Happy Thanksgiving!!! :)"
Me: "Thank you! Happy Thanksgiving :)"

That's it. Yes, I was basically the one who ended the conversation. Do I regret it? Kind of. Where he was at was far away from where I am at so I knew we wouldn't be able to hang out. So my thought process was if he wanted to ACTUALLY talk to me, he would try to continue the conversation. But he didn't. But do you see how many exclamations he put? I didn't exaggerate. Those are exact quotes.

Eh. I'm trying to stop thinking about him. Wish me luck.

Giving Thanks

I am grateful for so many things. I have been blessed with an amazing family. A little torn, but even then, I am grateful for the trials I have been faced with because I have learned so much from them. I am grateful for my amazing mom & the love that she has given me the past 18 years. I am grateful for my siblings & the smiles they put on my face. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to be able to move across the country to attend BYU-I. I am grateful for the friends I have made while attending BYU-I. I am grateful for the friends I have back at home & the amazing support they are. I am grateful for the Gospel. It has brought me so much happiness that I could not get elsewhere.

I came to Utah this week for the thanksgiving break and spent it with my uncle, aunt, and cousins. I have been thinking about staying with them in the winter while I am off track. My other options were going back to Florida or staying in Rexburg. I decided not to stay in Rexburg because I can't afford to pay for another semesters rent & it would be difficult to find a job. Going back to Florida just sounded like going back to high school. Same town, same people, same job. I feel that I became an adult these past couple months & I wanted to continue to experience new things. So I have decided to move here in January with my uncle and aunt. I am beyond nervous though. I'm going to have to sell my car in Florida to buy one up here. Find a job. Make new friends. It's definitely going to be challenging, but I'm looking forward to it.

I thank Heavenly Father everyday for all the blessing he has given me. With Him in my mind & heart, I know everything will turn out the way it needs to be. He loves me & I love him, just as he loves you so very much.

Current Emotions

"Round Two?"

In order for this post to make sense, you have to go read this post.

I wish I would have blogged in between now & then so you could have seen my struggle but then also seen how much better I got towards the end. But I will try to explain to you how this past month has gone. So after making out with rando Tyler who lives in Utah, my feelings went as followed:

• Week 1: Wow, I really liked making out with Tyler & I wish he lived here
• Week 2: Why do I like Tyler so much, all I did was make out with him
• Week 3: I'm so pathetic, I haven't even spoken to the kid since we made out & I still think about him
• Week 4: That's it, I'm over it. I'm happy. 

Last week I honestly was over it. I hardly thought about it. I was genuinely happy. 

Natasha, Hannah, Dave & I had been planning for a while that we were going to go to Utah this weekend to go to the BYU game. Yes, I realized I was going to be only miles away from where Tyler lived but I had no intentions of texting him letting him know I was there. And this was for two reasons: 1) I didn't want to be embarrassed if he totally shut me down because what we did was a one time thing 2) I was over him. 

So we drive down & my friends obv tell me that I should text him. I'm constantly telling them I'm not going to do it but they keep pushing it. I just let it go & let them say what they want to say. We get to Hannah's friends place that we were staying at & Dave leaves because he is spending the night at his friends place.. So we are left with no car. It wasn't too bad considering we were super close to everything we would need. We put on a movie but we all end up falling asleep. I wake about an hour later but everybody is still sleeping. I had a text from Dave saying "TEXT TYLER". 

Ya know when you are just waking up from sleep & you have no cares in the world & you just do the craziest thing? Yeah, so this happened:

How did this even happen?! Like honestly. I'll spare all the details but long story short, he came & picked me up a few hours later & went to his place which was only like 20 min away from where I was staying. 

Wowie, can a make out even get any better?  This time was different though. We didn't make out the whole time. We actually cuddled & talked. Want to know the cutest part? We fell asleep. Cuddling. In each others arms. Like how am I supposed to not have an emotional connection with someone after that? I was over his place for about 3 hours & then we decided I should probably be going back. So he drove me back to where I was staying & our conversation was great. We talked about our families & what we want to do in the future. It made it even worse that he held my hand on the drive back.

Once we got to there, we just sat in the car & talked more. Okkkaaaay, we did also make out a little more, but it was like cute kissing. He even held told me he was going to come to Idaho soon. With all this stuff I couldn't help but say this one thing I swore I would never tell him.

Me: "So is it bad.....that I kinda like you...?"
Him: "Uhhh....well.....you live in Idaho & I live here so I would be kinda pointless."

I literally felt like an idiot. I was all like "yeah, duh, that was dumb of me to say". And then he just grabbed by hand again & was like "no it wasn't dumb" & then we just started kissing again. I'm not happy neither upset about his response. It could have been better & he could have said it back. Or he could have said the same thing but then pulled away from me & leave. Even after I said that, we stayed sitting in his car talking for about 30 minutes. I literally had to force myself out of his car because if I didn't we would have talked all night/morning.

When I went inside & was getting ready to go to bed, I realized the bandana I was wearing in my hair was now not there & I was missing an earring. This gave either myself or him an excuse to text each other. But neither of us did. It's been 4 days & we haven't spoken.

I really just want my bandana back.

and also maybe him...

My Apology

I apologize for my lack of blogging. This has literally been the most stressful month I have probably ever experienced. So much drama. Too much has happened that I can't write about it because I could get in trouble if anyone ever found out I was blogging about it, but let's just say that everything that has happened I feel is for a reason & I'm glad it did. Nothing horrible happened, I'm still healthy & so is my family. I'm still living the standards of the church. I'm still going to school at BYU-I. Some things just had to be moved around.

But I'm back for good now. But nothing is back to how it used to be. There is still drama happening within my group of friends. And it sucks because I'm stuck in the middle of it. I'm sure you have all experienced it. It's the worst.

This post is mostly me just apologizing & trying to give a reason why I haven't been blogging. The exciting stuff comes in my next post so be ready.